I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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