I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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