What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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