Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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