Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
