is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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