Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
