Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
