Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
