Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
are you so shy because you have an std?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
