Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
