I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
