The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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