I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
