She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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