Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
