He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
