Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
