p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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