I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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