Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
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I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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