Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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