I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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