This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
