and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
