I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
