Kiss
Puke
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
