i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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