I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
