I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think your dad took our porno
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
