Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
