We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
