Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
