i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
literally had 100 drinks last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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