ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
