also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
