the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
honey bunches of taint.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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