The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize