I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
