whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
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The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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