Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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