tell your sister to shave her snatch
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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