Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
