Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
