I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
