i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
