Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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