and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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