ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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