Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You pole danced in your parka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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