everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
