I'm going to jail i love you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
