i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you inspire me to be a worse person
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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