True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
