And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
