he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
