i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
