I feel like abortions should bother me more
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
