Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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