Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
