the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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