It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
