i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
