I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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