Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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