Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
