Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
