he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
