The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
