Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
