he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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