I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
sex in a hospital.. check
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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