I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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