ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
