I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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