God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
