I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
