I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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