Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.