Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes