All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.