No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
