A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my shit smells like andre
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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