I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
