Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
